


I Want To Start Again

by OutlandishWhalesharks



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-10-30 03:58:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10868592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OutlandishWhalesharks/pseuds/OutlandishWhalesharks
Summary: The words of her soul mark are rare, very rare, though they never really felt real. Jemma never felt the connection that everyone else seemed to feel with their soulmates. The bond should be deep, even before the first meeting, soulmates have been known to feel each others happiness, sorrows, and in some instances, pain. That is, according to everything she has read or heard about soulmates. She did not feel the other soul to which she was connected. At least, not for some time.





	1. Why Did You Choke My Love Away?

**Author's Note:**

> I diverge from cannon quite a bit, but stick with the main beats of the series. Fitz and Simmons arepurely platonic.
> 
> *
> 
> The title of the work comes from "The Something Special" by The Bouncing Souls. The title of the chapter is from "Choke" by King Charles.
> 
> *
> 
> This is my first post ever. Creative feedback is welcomed. I hope you like it!

Chapter 1 - Why Did You Choke My Love Away?

“Jem, it’s can’t be. You’re gone.”

The words of her soul mark are rare, very rare, though they never really felt real. She never felt the connection that everyone else seemed to feel with their soulmates. The bond should be deep, even before the first meeting, soulmates have been known to feel each others happiness, sorrows, and in some instances, pain. That is, according to everything she has read or heard about soulmates. She did not feel the other soul to which she was connected. At least, not for some time. 

Her mark includes her name or at least a part of her name. This is almost unheard of, in fact she could not find a direct source in any of her research, just some second hand stories and the occasional ancient myth. Myths, that told of soulmates only knowing mirrored versions of themselves, and never fully having that connection she craved to feel. The rest of her mark did not lend any comfort to the situation. You’re gone, could be mean a lot of things, but somehow she knows it means dead. After obsessing over her soul mark for years, she loses hope on ever understanding. This is the first time she loses faith in her soulmate but not the last. 

At the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy she learns to hide her mark to avoid talking to other scientists about it and the inevitable experimentation that would come. No, she finds it best to avoid it, pretend its not there. Fitz is the only one she trusts. They have had many lengthy conversations about what it could mean but for the most part, he respects her wants to keep it secret. 

***

The first time she meets Grant Ward is on the Bus, she’s bickering with Fitz and he startles them both by dropping his bag. She gathers her composure and with a wide smile says, “Oh, well hello there!” A little too eager, she must admit. 

For a long moment he just stands there staring at her with wide eyes and an awestruck expression. Then he says, “Hello I wasn’t expecting this…”

She blushes, she has no idea what he means, but he is very handsome. She then looks to Fitz who is equally confused, they both quickly introduce themselves. Fitz asks for his comms and smashes it going straight to work on improving it.

Delighted to be distracted by work she quickly moves over to him to swab his mouth. She likes how close this act allows her to get to him, he hasn’t taken his eyes off her. She fills an odd tingle down her spine, and a slight floating sensation. It’s almost how she imagines meeting her soul mate for the fist time would feel, though she knows she hasn’t. He didn’t say those words.

Uncomfortable, she begins to babble about the improvements Fitz is making to his comms. Then she asks, “So are you excited to be coming on our journey into mystery?” 

“Like Christmas” he replies sarcastically.

She meets his eyes and gives him a coy smile. He smiles, nods and turns to follow Coulson. She feels slightly frazzled for the rest of the day.

After their first meeting, it feels like Ward is everywhere. She is constantly bumping in to him and can’t help but smile when she does. She chalks it up to close quarters and his good looks.  
A few days later they are alone in the common room, she is researching their latest case, he is writing something in a notebook. He gets up and starts to leave the room. She notices he left his note book and she grabs it so she can hand it to him. She catches a glimpse of his writing and freezes. She recognizes the way he writes his J’s and G’s, especially the curve of his question marks. She knows this handwriting well, she has been pondering this handwriting since she was little girl. 

She must have called to him without noticing. He is behind her and close enough for her to feel his breath on her neck. “Yes?”

Without thinking she quickly turns around to face him and reaches towards his waistline. She begins fumbling with the button of his pants, which is difficult as she realizes she is shaking. She takes a deep breath and forces herself to calm down. She is finally able to unbutton his pants and pull them down a little on the left side, just enough to see his hip bone and the words. Her words, in her handwriting. “Oh well hello there!” 

Her breath catches. She looks up at him and has no idea what to think.

He tentatively begins to reach out towards her waist. When she makes no move to stop him, he easily finesses the button of her pants and pulls down the left side. His brow furrows with confusion. “This is my handwriting, but I…I never said this.”

“I know, leave it to my soul mark to become even more of a mystery.” She says with a sad smile.

They stay like that for a long time. Staring at each other in awe and confusion. Eventually Ward says “ I thought you didn’t say anything because you didn’t want to get reassigned.”

She nods, S.H.I.E.L.D. does not let known soulmates work in the field together as it leads to distraction. “Well that makes sense, I suppose we should keep this quite, considering we don’t even know what this means, don’t really want to involve anyone else.”

He nods and gives a slight smile in which she returns. They quickly turn away from each other and button their pants, when they here Fitz and Skye coming towards them. 

Luckily a new case keeps her too distracted to dwell on Ward and her soul mark. 

Then she gets sick with the Chitauri virus.

Ward wont stop staring at her with an intense look across his face. She does her best to ignore him so she can create an anti-serum. She only allows herself to meet his gaze once or twice. After their last test fails, she knows what she needs to do. She asks to have a moment with Fitz, Ward gives her a long, questioning glance before he turns to leave. She wishes she could say good bye, but knows he would try to stop her. The last thing she sees before she jumps is Fitz waking up and screaming at her. 

Then she is falling, and can barely think straight with the wind forcing pressure against her. She thinks she must be hallucinating when she sees something coming towards her from above. It’s Ward. She involuntarily reaches out to him. 

He grabs her and says “It’s okay Jem, I’ve got you.”

She starts to resist him “No…” Then she feels a sharp sting in her leg and a large shock throughout her body before everything goes black. 

*  
It feels like she’s floating. It’s dark and bright at the same time. She knows she should be scared, yet she feels secure. She can hear a calming voice around her and throughout her.  
“Jem, Jem it’s okay, I’m with you. I always will be. I love you and will always do what’s best for you… I am so sorry Jem. You deserve so much more then me.”  
Then she feels a sharp pain in her nose and can’t breath.  
*

She wakes up coughing and sputtering the water she’s inhaled. They are in the water, he is doing his best to keep her afloat. “It’s okay, your safe, just breath.”

“What…?” She can’t form the words.

“The anti-serum worked, just knocked you out for a little while.”

That must have been why Fitz was screaming. “Oh well, thank you for saving me then.” She says lamely, unsure of what else to say.

“Jem, I was going to jump for you either way, I wasn’t going to let you die alone. I may not be entirely yours, but you are my soulmate. I will do my best to protect you.” 

She doesn’t know what else to do so she just nods.

They sit in silence enjoying being close to each other, while they wait to be picked up. 

Later that night the words of her dream are stuck in her mind. He called her Jem, she has never let someone call her that, the nickname was reserved for her soulmate. She is okay with it though, she likes the way it sounds coming from him. 

She can’t sleep. Once she is sure no one will see, she goes to him, only intending to talk. However when she sees him, all sense goes out the window. 

She reaches up towards his face and kisses him. For a split second he gives in, then pulls her away from him and looks her in the eye. “Jem…we shouldn’t.”

“I don’t care.”

This time he kisses her. It is intense, passionate, heady, and completely mind boggling. They quietly step forward and land on his bed. When she tries to take things further, he firmly stops her. He looks upset and turns away from her. She doesn’t understand. 

“Jemma, we can’t do this. Today was a great example as to why S.H.I.E.L.D doesn’t allow soulmates to work in the field together. We can’t afford to lose focus.” 

“You don’t want me?” Slips out of her mouth before she has time to realize how insecure and obviously false that statement is.

He reaches for her cheek and says, “Dammit Jem, of course I do, but first and foremost I need to protect you” He pauses and looks away again. “Without distraction.”

Always one to side with practicality, she says “Oh well, I… Yes of course, I understand.” She curtly nods and gets up to leave.

He sighs and says “I’m sorry.” He doesn’t stop her.

***

Over the next few weeks she can tell he is trying to distance himself, she lets him. They still share a few glances and smiles, which are nice. He does do his best to help her over come her fears after the virus. 

That is until, they find the Asgardian staff. He barely looks at her after that. He still does everything he can to protect her on missions. Though he is much colder towards her. She still try’s to reach out to him, though she gives up when she realizes he’s been sleeping with May. She tries to feign indifference, she fears she does not do this very well.

The coldness between them should help with the pain when she learns he’s Hydra. It does not. She still has the smallest amount of hope that its true, until he’s trapped them in the pod. Fitz is trying to talk him out of it, convince him he is still good. She knows it’s too late. 

Fitz says “I know you care for us, you care for her.” Gesturing towards Jemma. 

Bitterly she says “No he doesn’t, he doesn’t care about any of us.”

Ward stares straight at her with hurt in his eyes. “That’s not true, I care deeply for you…it’s a weakness.”

They refuse to open the door, he drops the pod from the Bus into the air. She wakes up next to Fitz in the pod at the bottom of the ocean. After she learns just how dire the situation is, she starts to cry. Fitz grabs her hand. “I know your heartbroken Jemma, he betrayed us, he betrayed his soulmate. But we need to do our best to preserve the air.”

She stops and nods, because he’s right. Then she realizes. “You, you know?”

“Well I recognized his handwriting, and kind of assumed. It makes sense, you should have seen his face when he jumped off the Bus for you.” 

She laughs humorlessly, “Oh yes he’s done such a great job of showing his love for me.”

***

After Fitz risks his life and is left brain damaged, she feels such bitter resentment and hate for Ward. She obsesses over everything Ward did, watches him through the video feed in Vault D. She tries to hold the hate and revenge back. Late on the night before she leaves to join Hydra as a mole, she sneaks into see him. She leaves the screen opaque so he cant see her and she doesn’t have to look at him. 

“Was everything a lie Ward?” she says quietly.

“I was wondering when you were going to come see me…”

“I know the soul mark was real. You can’t fake that. I only want to know, were all the things you said,… a lie? Where you really just interested in Skye the whole time?” She’s not sure what she wants to hear. She just wants to know.

“No, I do love you, I think a part of me always will, but sometimes soulmates just don’t work out. Sometimes fate, is wrong. Skye is just a better…fit for me.”

She chokes down the hurt the statement provides. “You never loved me, I was just a weakness to you.”

“Yes you were, but I meant everything I said to you when we fell.”

“No, no! You said you would always protect me! Does leaving me and Fitz to die at the bottom of the ocean count as protection?!” Tears are falling down her face and she is shaking with anger. She is glad he can’t see her. 

He is quiet for a long moment. “Jem… I…”

“No! Don’t you ever call me that! You have no right.” She cuts him off, her voice fierce.

He laughs, he actually laughs. She almost blacks out from the fury that storms throughout her. She has nothing more to say to him. 

She is able to compartmentalize her anger, while she works for Hydra. She lets it fuel her but not distract her.

The straw breaks when Coulson walks him through the base. He looks right past her, towards Skye. She is filled with rage and as much as she hates to admit, jealousy. She steps in front of Skye, forcing him to look at her, and promises to kill him. The sickening smile he gives her just confirms, she wants revenge for every lie he told her.

When she finally has the opportunity to kill him, she does everything she can to ensure that she will be successful. Yet she ultimately fails.

He holds his gun to her head She is ready for him to kill her, she doesn’t expect anything different from him. Then he tells her “You’ve disappointed me.”

She’s disgusted with him, and with herself. He walks away. She decides not to let him take anymore from her and does her best not to think of him. 

She does a good job of this until she ends up on the planet. 

***

After a few weeks of surviving alone, she wonders if he can feel her, how lonely and scared she is. Then she meets and eventually falls in love with Will. Kissing Will may not have the same physical effect as Ward, but it’s so much better. She knows he loves her, he’s not lying to her. 

One night they discuss soulmates. Will admits that his soulmate died of cancer, “I saw her everywhere, after she died. I decided the only way to get away from the pain was to go to another planet. Then I was left alone with nothing but my thoughts of her. It felt like a cosmic joke of sorts.” 

She sighs, sorry for his pain, yet almost jealous of the brief honest time he had with his soulmate. “Yes, it seems the cosmos loves to make cruel jokes out of soulmates.” She tells him all about her and Ward.

When she’s done he holds her. “I am sorry, you don’t deserve that.” She can hear the andger in his voice. Then more gently he says, “I love you.”  
She let’s Ward go and she leans in to kiss him. “I love you too.”

***  
After Fitz saves her, she tells him everything about her time on that awful planet. 

He tells her that Ward was vital in rescuing her. He contacted Fitz directly and told him everything he knew about Hydra and the obelisk. “I obviously didn’t trust him but we were desperate to get you back. The information he gave was actually quiet useful.”

She’s dumbfounded. “Hmm, maybe he could feel me and actually cared. Or he could feel that I loved another man and he wanted to take that away from me too.” She tries to laugh though it sounds more like a sob.

Fitz grabs her hand and shrugs, “Who knows with that psychopath, but either way I think it will be best to stay away from him.”  
She smiles lightly, “I couldn’t agree more.” 

***

She’s been kidnapped by Hydra, they want her to help them bring It back. She won’t let them, she can’t let them. She’s in a room with a guard at the door, Ward comes in and sends the guard away. Of course, he’s with Hydra again. She glares at him and does her best to make her tone icy. “What do you want?” 

He smiles at her, “It’s so nice to see you. I was…concerned.”

She rolls her eyes, “Oh I’m sure you were just sick with worry.”

His smile falls. “I was. I could feel everything - your pain, your determination,…your hope.”

“Oh right of course. Did you feel how lonely I was those first weeks? Did you care that I thought I was goanna die alone?”

He looks wounded now. “Yes, I didn’t want to you to go through that. But, you weren’t alone the whole time though, were you?”

She looks away she does not want to talk to him about Will.

Softly he says, “You loved him.”

She wills her tears not to fall and gives a slight nod as reply.

“I felt that. I felt the pain of your loss for him too.”

She looks back at him. “Did that make you happy? For me to feel broken again?”

“No!” He bangs the table, making he jump a little. “I have never wanted you to feel like that.” He says through gritted teeth.

“Then why does it seem you have gone out of your way to make me feel that way countless times?”

“I’m truly sorry for that. I didn’t deserve you, I had to push you away.”

“Oh and now you deserve me?” she scoffs.

“No. That’s why I am going to that planet. To bring...that other guy back, for you. I have been looking for a way to get there since you got back.” 

Her eyes grow big. “W-What? You expect me to believe that!” She almost laughs. 

“Not now, no. But I want you to know I am doing all of this for you… and ultimately it’s what’s best for us.”

She doesn’t know what to say or even what to believe. Quietly she says, “Ward you can’t let that thing come here.” She knows he won’t listen to her.

This time he looks away, “I have to, for us.” He gets up to leave. Before he leaves he looks her in the eye and says “I do love you Jem. Sorry, Jemma.”

She says nothing back just watches him leave. 

She knows when he dies. She can’t feel it in the same way soulmates do, and yet somehow she knows he’s gone. Fitz and Coulson confirm it when they get back. She’s not relieved or sad, just numb.

Later, she cries herself to sleep. She tells herself it’s just for Will. Though a small part of her knows some of the tears are for Ward and what could have been.

***  
They are trying to reach Radcliffe before Hive does. He catches up to them.

She won’t let herself be distracted by Ward’s hollow eyes, they aren’t his eyes anymore. When he starts talking in Will’s voice though, it feels like all of the air in her body escapes. Hive is so close to her, talking like Will, staring like Ward. Tears are running down. His hand reaches to cup her cheek, she can’t resist turning into his touch. But its not Will, it’s not even Ward. 

As Will, he says “I don’t want you to end up dead like me” Then as Ward, “We don’t want that to happen to you.”

Hive smiles down at her. “It’s interesting how they both loved you so differently. Will’s love was easy to feel, right at the surface, the only hope left in him. Grant’s love on the other hand, ran much deeper. You were a part of him, a part of everything he did. Although he was almost resentful of his love for you. But still, they both loved you enough to die for you.” He gives another cruel smile.

She shoots him in the stomach and runs. 

A few weeks after that she feels it. Something strong within her, spreading warmth through her body. She feels mostly joy but also pain and sorrow. She drops an empty cylinder, the sound of the glass hitting the ground brings her back to the lab. She knows beyond a doubt she has felt the soul bond that has eluded her for so long. Her mind is rushing in different directions. 

Was her soulmate just born? 

Did Ward somehow come back?

She learns that the latter is not the case when they send Hive and Lincoln into space to die.

***

Time passes, she is able to move on. The soul bond never falters.

When she wakes up in the Framework, she digs herself out of a mass grave. After her visit to Coulson turns south, she goes back to the rendezvous point to find Daisy. They are trying to make sense of this new world when she hears the words she’s waited decades to hear.

“Jem?” The tone is almost a whisper, then becomes stronger. “It can’t be, you’re gone.”

The way he says her name has all of the warmth and compassion she always thought he would. She feels a sensation through her body. It’s similar to when she met Ward and when she first felt the bond, but it is so much more and completely overwhelming. Her skin is warm, she is utterly joyous. 

Her smile drops, when her mind catches up. She looks up, her blood turns to ice when she sees Grant Ward staring at her with wet eyes. His look is not unlike the look he had when she first met him, but full of sorrow, confusion, and disbelief.

Quietly she says “No.” Then in the strongest and coldest voice she can muster she says “No! This is a cruel joke.”


	2. Inseparably Combined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thought his soul mark was some kind of cosmic mistake, a scientific anomaly. He always knew it was Jemma, even though she never spoke the words that run across his hip. He knew it was her handwriting, he had come up with so many reasons she never said them. He never thought she would come back from the dead, and stare at him with hate in her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took a lot longer than I expected to. This chapter is Grant Wards point of view when he and Jem meet in the Framework. I hope you like it! 
> 
> The chapter title is form the song 2 Atoms In A Molecule by Noah and The Whale.

Chapter 2 – Inseparably Combined

"No, no! This is a cruel joke."

He thought his soul mark was some kind of cosmic mistake, a scientific anomaly. He always knew it was Jemma, even though she never spoke the words that run across his hip. He knew it was her handwriting, he had come up with so many reasons she never said them. He never thought she would come back from the dead, and stare at him with hate in her eyes.

***

Something is up with Skye. She is trying to play it off, but he trained her, has been under cover with her for years now, he knows her. Their discussion earlier was so bizarre. She kept looking at him in shock, she had no idea what he was talking about. She almost gave away important information when they were interrogating Vijay Nadeer. He had to punch the guy in order to stop her from revealing anything further. Skye looked at him like he was the one that lost it. 

He decides to tail her to see what is going on, he follows her to a park. He’s kind of pissed at her for allowing herself to be tracked so easily. What is going on with her? 

He is watching from the cover of a Beech tree. A small woman comes running up to her, they hug and are discussing something serious. This woman is small, he can only see her from behind and yet instinctually he knows she is beautiful. She makes a peculiar gesture, it almost reminds him of her, but it can’t be…

He is mindlessly walking towards them so he can get a better look at her. They don’t notice. Seriously what is up with Skye!

He finally gets a good look at her face, he nearly falls over. 

Hydra must of found out about him and is using Jemma against them, it reeks of something the doctor would do. He probably created some kind of android that looks like her to trick him. His words escape before he knows what he’s doing. “Jem? It can’t be your gone.” 

She is looking down, but he can see her broad smile, a smile he thought he would only see again in his dreams and memories. He is trying to keep himself in check, this is not real, that is not her. She, it, is just a really good imposter. Her smile drops suddenly, she looks up at him. 

The face she is wearing makes him cold, what she says makes the world give way. “No. No! This is a cruel joke.”

A small part of him tries to keep in mind that this could still be a trap, but his body is losing control. He feels an almost electric feeling up and down his spine. His entire being is whole and warm and he has an involuntary grin on his face.

Skye’s voice brings him back to reality. “Ward, what are you doing here?” 

He does his best to make his face passive and pulls his gun at them. “Who are you? Skye what is this?”

Not-Jemma scowls and says “Well it seems you already know who I am, or did Radcliffe just program you to say that to me?” 

He and Skye simultaneously say “What?!”

Grant repeats, “What? Who is Radcliffe? Who are you? I know your not her.” That last part he says through gritted teeth.

She scoffs at him, to Skye she says “What is he doing here?” He can tell she is trying not to cry.

Skye says “He’s my boyfriend and partner at Hydra. He must of followed me here.”

Jemma makes a retching noise and callously says “And I thought the mass grave was bad.” Both women sadly smirk. 

“What the hell is going on? What happened to you Skye? And… Jemma or who or whatever you are, why would the doctor make you like this?”

They just stare at him for a minute. Then they hear shouts and the stomp of boots. Skye says to him “She’s the subversive Hydra has been after.” 

He puts his gun down and says “All right, follow me.” He starts to run towards his car, they hesitate, he adds “Unless you would like to be taken prisoner?” He may be making a huge mistake but he needs answers and he wont get any if they are all captured.

He is acutely aware of where Jemma is. She purposely sits in the back seat. He knows she does it to put distance between them. He can’t stand to see the hate and fear on her face, especially directed at him. 

Cautiously Skye says “Where are you taking us?”

“My apartment for now, there we can get in touch with the resistance.” He doesn’t plan on taking them to base until he is certain, but he doesn’t think they are a threat. He can feel Jemma’s hate towards Hydra, although she feels similarly about him too. 

Slowly Skye questions “You’re a spy for the resistance?”

“Of course, Grant Ward, always the double agent. I wonder if you could even be programed not to lie.”

Why does she hate him so much? Is it because he left her? She made him leave, he didn’t want to. 

“Jem, what…”

“No!” she cuts him off her voice has a harshness that makes his stomach sink, “you don’t get to call me that.”

Sky interrupts them. “Look I know something is going on here, between the two of you.” She gestures her hand at each of them. “but it looks like Hydra has caught up to us.”

He can see the vehicles approaching them. It’s only a matter of time before the bullets fly. He grabs his backup gun from his pant leg handing it out to Skye. “Cover us.” 

They all duck as the rear window is shot out. Jemma grabs the gun, and starts firing. She’s pretty good. This definitely isn’t his Jemma. Who is she?

Skye takes her own weapon and joins Jemma, while Grant speeds up trying to loose them. 

When they eventually lose their them, he says “We are with the resistance Skye. Will someone please tell me what is going on?”

Bitterly Jemma says “So your like a double agent super couple.”

He abruptly stops the car to look her in the eyes, “No, I am not with Skye.”

She looks taken aback, her face softens for a split second, then becomes fierce again. 

He starts driving again they’re close to his building. Skye scoffs and says “Oh yeah why did you wake up in my bed this morning?” 

He parks, then just looks at her for a minute. Before he gets out of the car he says “We have been on this mission for three years. The relationship allows our covers to be accepted more easily. Any absences are considered normal for young lovers. We stay at each others places to keep up the façade.” 

Jemma huffs. “The ever important cover.” He gets out of the car and walks to his building. They stay in the car a moment, clearly weighing their options. Eventually they decide to follow.  
Once in his apartment he excuses himself to change. Or so he says, he wants them to talk to each other, and he’s guessing this Skye has no idea that they thoroughly bugged both their apartments, to be sure they caught any information they came across on tape to be sent to resistance.

Sure enough as soon as he closes the door…

“Wow, this is worse then we thought.” Skye says.

“Yes I think we better go back.” Jemma replies.

“We can come back for the others once we come up with a game plan.” Skye rationalizes.

There’s a long pause. For a moment he thinks they may have left, but he doesn’t hear the door. It’s purposely squeaky to alert him if someone enters unannounced.

Then he hears Jemma, “Damn, it didn’t work!”

“What? Why not?”

“I don’t know, but it would seem we’re stuck here with Grant Ward until we can figure it out.” He can practically see her eyes roll. His stomach turns.

“Okay what is going on with you two?” Skye pauses then says. “Hey I hate him too, I get it, but what’s with the jealous remarks? I am definitely missing something.” 

Jemma is quiet a moment then “You know how I told you my soul mark is complicated?” 

“Yeah?”  
“Well…” He assumes she pulls down the top of her pants to show her.

Skye’s voice goes up an octave, “No way!” Her reaction sounds almost comical, but she was there when he lost Jemma, why is she surprised by this? “He said that tonight. Wha…?, Is he…? Are you…? Was the real Grant Ward your soulmate too?”

“No, I was his…and this,” she gestures towards her mark, “is his handwriting, but tonight is the first time he ever said that to me.” 

“Does anyone else know?” 

“Fitz, is the only person I” she pauses, “I told Radcliffe a little about it as a hypothetical though, and I never told him what it says. Ward was the only other…” together they say “Hive.” 

“That must be it, Hive must have told Radcliffe, and he is using it to distract me.” 

There’s that name again Radcliffe. Who is Fitz and Hive? And what in the world does “the real Grant Ward” mean.

If she is feeling the same physical reaction that he is, she keeps it to herself. But she must feel it, he can feel it, feel her in every cell. His skin feels electric, he can sense an almost pull to her, to be closer to her in anyway possible. He uses his years of training to suppress these impulses. He has too many unanswered questions to let the bond get in the way. Plus he finds it unlikely that she would let him touch her in any capacity.

The next morning Skye leaves and comes back with some History teacher by the name of Coulson. He seems to be at least somewhat in on what is going on though he keeps going on about soap.

Skye says she needs something from Hydra, hesitantly goes with her to get what she needs. He sends Jemma and Coulson to the resistance. Neither of them pose much of threat. He knows she is not with Hydra.

He manages to get back to the base after Hydra captures Skye. She was able to give him some kind of coordinates to find Radcliffe before she is taken. Jemma insists that she and Coulson go with him to find Radcliffe. He can’t deny her seeing as he is clearly in the dark on this and she seems to hold most of the answers. He doesn’t mind be around her anyway, even though she is clearly uncomfortable around him.

On the Quinjet, she comes up to the cockpit wanting to know when they will arrive.

He looks at her and says “We have a couple hours, I think we should talk.”

Coldly she says “I have nothing to say to you.”

He takes a deep breath trying to bite back his aggravation. “Well I do, and I would like you to listen.” He continues when she remains silent. “I don’t know what’s going on or how you’re back.” He looks down to avoid her glare. “I missed you so much, this doesn’t even feel real, and you have this rabid hate for me Jem…Jemma. I know I got to you too late when S.H.I.E.L.D. fell. I-I couldn’t save you, I am so sorry, I regret it everyday. I couldn’t be the man you needed me to be.” It feels odd to voice thoughts he has carried with him for so long.

She huffs at that. “You were there when I died? Did you kill me?”

He laughs mournfully, he can’t help it, “I think you were right about the whole cruel joke thing.”

She glares daggers at him. 

He sighs and looks her in eyes, willing her to listen, to believe him. “No I didn’t kill you, I loved you. I…I was there though. I rushed straight to you when S.H.I.E.L.D. feel, but I was too late. You were shot, badly, you died in my arms, begging me to help the others. I couldn’t save you. I had to leave you, your body there.” His eyes are dark and glassy. “I could save the students you were with you begged me to with your last breaths. Skye was one of them, I looked out for her, after. I knew you would have wanted me too.“

She doesn’t say anything, just looks at him like he has two heads. After a time, she gets up and says “I think I will give you a moment.” He doesn’t have the energy to stop her.

***

The land on an island where a man is playing Croquet. She runs up to the guy and slaps him across the face. “How dare you use this against me! Its bad enough that you have them trapped against their will.” She’s practically in tears. He could rip this man apart for hurting her, but he needs answers. Unfortunately he doesn’t get any.

Radcliff is stunned for a moment, then he takes in Grant and he becomes stricken with fear. Grant says, “Who is this what’s going on?” He has a gun pointed at the other man, he is pretty sure is Radcliffe. He is becoming sick of constantly asking what is going on, he knows no one will tell him.

The other man calms down and smiles “Oh you’re not Hive at all, your what came before. I wondered what happened to you.”

Jemma says “What do you mean? He’s a part of your programming.”

“No, he’s not. When I was, uh working, for Hive I had a rough proto-type of the Framework made, which I was eventually able to build into this.” He gestures around him. “I needed to test it and there was enough remnants of his consciousness left in Hive that I could upload him into the Framework. He was a great test subject really, its not like I could have made anything any worse for him.”

Jemma looks likes she’s been punched in gut, he imagines he does as well. “No, that’s not really him, he’s just ones and zeros.” 

“That’s a bit of an over simplification don’t you think?” Radcliffe says. She looks like she’s going to slap him again. “Alright, alright.” He holds his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t create him, no. This is him, or a version of him anyway, its hard to say what Hive held onto. But he is like the rest of your friends living what feels like a very real life in which he changed his biggest regret.”

“Your lying!!” Jemma yells at him. “Hive told you about my soul mark and now you’re using it and him,” nodding towards Grant, “against me.”

“What Jemma, I don’t? Oh that hypothetical you told me, it was you? And him?... Hive mentioned you a few times but never once in terms of soulmates. I don’t think he understood it really, a little beyond him maybe.“ He nods with a bemused smile. 

She shakes her head in disbelief.

He continues “You know more than anything I couldn’t manipulate a soul mark, even here. Plus, Aida has taken over the Framework, she has twisted it into something dark. Soul marks are beyond her too, she wouldn’t understand enough to use it against you. Jemma, if you feel the bond now, you know I couldn’t program that.”

Does she feel it? Feel him? Like he can feel her? Grant is lost by this interaction, but he can feel Jemma’s, confusion and denial. She won’t look at him.

“How? How is he my soul mate, when the real him wasn’t? It’s not possible.”

“Well I don’t know about impossible, maybe just improbable. It’s possible that there was still consciousness from those before him.” He says pointing at Grant.

Jemma lets out a small sound of surprise, and just over a whisper says “Will?” 

“And Hive might have taken some of him, it’s very possible that this mixture of give and take could create a whole new consciousness, a new soul, as one would have it.” Radcliffe is staring at Grant with a newfound expression of awe, “It’s fascinating really.”

She keeps shaking her head until she breaks down in a sob for a brief moment. She stops and says “When?”

“When what?”

“When did you…upload him?”

“Umm maybe a few weeks after Hive took me, before your team killed him.”

Her head drops again, she lowers her gun. Instinctively he hugs her wanting to comfort her. She gives in for a moment then starts to push him a way. They all still when they hear Hydra approach.

Radcliff tells them to hide. 

They find cover in some bushes, “Jem-Jemma, what is going on? Please tell me…” He is cut off by the commotion of Hydra. They can see Madame Hydra and the Doctor, he grabs the woman Jemma called Agnes. He is threatening her to make Radcliffe give up their location. Grant trys to push away the guilt that comes clawing its way at him. If he had just left the woman alone, maybe she would have been safe. He raises his weapon when he has a clean shot at the Doctor. 

“No” Jemma says quickly.

Its all he can do to keep his jaw from dropping. “What?! I cannot let The Doctor kill an innocent woman.”

“You can’t kill him Grant. He won’t hurt her, I know him, he could never do that.”

“No you don’t know him, I do. This man is a monster! I’ve watched him do horrendous things to innocent people for years.” His voice is full of vitriol. How can she hate him so deeply yet show sympathy and mercy for the Doctor. He has seen him torture so many people, their screams were all but seared in his mind.

“Please…Please don’t, he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Its not him. He’s my best friend he risked his life for me when you… when we where left for dead. I can’t let you kill him. I will tell you everything just please don’t shoot him. He won’t shoot her, I know he wont!” Tears are freely running down her cheeks now.

Grant takes a long look at her trying to read her. She believes what she is saying about the Doctor, he doesn’t, he knows the other man won’t hesitate to kill the woman, especially if he feels that Madame Hydra is threatened. But he can’t stand to have Jemma hate him any more than she already does. He sighs and lower’s his gun. 

She begins to thank Grant when they hear the gunshot that kills Agnes. Jemma fully breaks into sobs now. Her face full of heartbreak and disbelief. Grant doesn’t say anything, just holds her, she doesn’t fight him this time. 

***  
On the way to the base, she does as she promised and tells him everything. He can’t even begin to process what she’s saying. 

“How can this world be programming? This is real, you saw that woman die, Jemma that wasn’t fake.”

She closes her eyes, a rogue tear falls down her cheek. “I know, that was real and the few of us that are within the Framework can die here, what happens here will affect us in the real world.” 

“Ok let’s say I believe you, if this world isn’t real then what is? Why do you hate me so much? What did I do?”

“In the real world I come from, Grant Ward and I were on a team together. Coulson was in charge, you were training Skye, May was our pilot, and Fitz was my partner in the lab. You were a sleeper cell for Hydra, you betrayed us all during the uprising. You nearly killed me and Fitz, he risked his life to save me.” 

He looks at her, he knows she’s not lying but he just can’t believe he would do anything hurt her. He doesn’t want it to be true but he can feel deep in his gut that it is the truth. Everything that has happened recently starts to make sense, though something is still nagging at him.

“Why? Why would I do that to you?” He knows from her conversation with Skye that she was his soulmate, why would he hurt her like that?

She looks at him like he’s stupid. “Don’t ask me to try and understand that man’s mind. He said he loved me and would do what was best for me, everything he said to me was a lie.”

He balls his hand into a fist.

He continues. “What about Hand she never…” he pauses his mind is moving a million miles per minute. “Hand didn’t recruit me to S.H.I.E.L.D. in your world did she?”

She shakes her head she is a little shocked by his question. “No, John Garrett did, you killed Hand after the uprising.”

He takes another deep breath trying to process this. He remembers meeting Garrett once, and feeling very odd around him. It was a strange mix of loyalty and resentment, he wasn’t surprised when they learned that Garrett was with Hydra. He thinks of the person he could have become without Hand’s presence in his life after she recruited him from juvie. Let alone to have that advisor be replaced by a mad man like John Garrett.

“So what about now, am I still with Hydra?” He is pretty sure he knows the answer.

Her face confirms his theory before she says “You’re dead. An ancient monster that Hydra worshipped, occupied your body after you died.”

“Hive” he almost whispers, he can feel a cold fear rush down his spine. 

She nods “Hive kidnapped Radcliffe and made him engineer human/inhuman hybrids, using his DNA. Apparently he did his own experimentation as well. And now you have been uploaded here to live life without your greatest regret. Lord knows what that could be.”

He just looks at her for a minute before closing his eyes. He knows. It’s her, it has to be. His entire life has been focused on her, being better for her. When he was younger he lived for the soulmate he could feel in every choice he made. Then he met her, or his memories of her. He knew she was his soulmate.

Almost every choice he has made has been for her, to be the man she deserves.


End file.
